Could do better

Tuesday 27th July 2010


Lerryn School Final Report

David Vipond

David Vipond is an intelligent boy, but like most boys of his age, is very good at doing the things he is interested in, but those things in which he has no interest, just don’t get completed. He has to date done well in his academic studies and has in the past, displayed excellent potential. However, unfortunately he has of late given grave cause for concern.

He seems to have recently come under the influence of a gang of local youths and urchins calling themselves the "St Veep Bell Ringers" who are a bad influence on him and a thoroughly bad lot. Vipond unfortunately appears to be content to allow these people to refer to him as "Young Vipey" and to encourage his precocious wit and what can only be described as his lavatorial humour!

I must assume that Vipond has yet to fully come to terms with his own sexuality, as on the one hand he spends far too much time in the girls’ playground and on the other, I have myself witnessed him unashamedly cavorting around in public wearing women’s clothing; complete with bloomers and make up.

We have endeavoured to get him to partake in more sport and fresh air and to this end he has taken to sailing, with some success. However, we are unable to support him further in this, as he has already been through a number of boats, one way or another.

His current life style will equip him for nothing more than a future spent in seedy public houses and dingy snooker rooms.

Whilst we had once harboured some hope of him eventually becoming a pillar of the community, the nearest he is currently likely to come in achieving this, is to prop up the bar in his local pub.

It is to be hoped that Vipond will eventually find something useful to do in society, with perhaps a modicum of responsibility. I cannot imagine what this might be, but I do know that when he has left us, as a role model, he should under no circumstances, be allowed to come within ten miles of the nearest school.

B. Bonsey: Form Teacher

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